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You know you're getting too much fat in your diet when your freckles are made of pepperoni!

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The round bits taste like circles, the square bits taste like squares, and the triangular bits taste like triangles. I can't drink alcohol on my low-carb diet. I'll just have a couple shots of gravy with a twist of bacon. Step 1: apply Miracle Cellulite Cream to problem areas. Step 2: run 10 miles a day. How many times must I remind you? Eight glasses a day! I don't want to download a song or a movie or a TV show or a book-- I want to download something for dinner!
I lost 60 pounds on the Swiss Cheese Diet! My diet doctor says: It's not what you're eating, it's what's eating you! Well, if something is eating me, how come I'm not getting smaller? Your blood sugar is too high. If your gym membership is $37.50 per month, that means you're paying $262.50 per workout! If I don't go to the doctor, he can't find anything wrong with me. That's how I stay healthy!
I have one pill that blocks fat, one pill that blocks carbs, and one pill that blocks the kitchen door. What happens when breakfast finds out it's the most important meal of the day.

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