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I've been watching the Food Channel all day and I haven't seen one good recipe for socks!

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More Health and Weight Loss Cartoons

It's impossible to stick to my diet, but I get a lot of exercise beating myself up! It's different when you get older. When you're my age, visions of sugar plums dance on your thighs. No, I don't know if the Gingerbread man was gluten-free There's a thin person inside me screaming to get out. Can you prescribe something to sedate him so I can hear my TV programs? How many packs of gum would I need to chew to burn as many calories as two miles of jogging?
Obesity is a symptom of modern technology. Your mouth has a broadband connection to the nutrition superhighway. My diet says I can have 1800 calories per day. It doesn't say anything about NIGHT! This magazine says we can lose 50 pounds in a week by eating chocolate cake three times a day. Finally, a diet that makes sense! You know it's time to improve your diet when you get carpal tunnel from dipping french fries in ketchup! To prevent a heart attack, take one aspirin every day. Take it out for a run, then take it to the gym, then take it for a bike ride…
To keep my computer healthy, I download five digital fruits and vegetables every day. I think he's spending too much time with the kids.

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