SparkPeople Funnies

You know you are a SparkPeople member when the scale is your friend and not your foe.

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Lifting weights can help relieve your night sweats and hot flashes. It will make you strong enough to carry an air conditioner up to your bedroom. Potato chips are diet food. The vibrations from loud crunching loosens your fat cells! Those are your three wishes? Chocolate-flavored lettuce, chocolate-flavored chicken and chocolate flavored tuna! Of course donuts are good for you. They're hole grain! What fits your busy schedule better, exercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day?
I found you a donor for an attitude transplant. If you swallow potato chips without chewing, they act like little snowplows and clear all the cholesterol out of your arteries! I didn't start gaining weight until my boss sent me to that personal growth seminar! Cholesterol is good for you. It clogs your arteries so you don't bleed as much when you get a cut! Well, we can try, Ma'am. But to my knowledge, nobody has ever sued a dressing room mirror before.
Because criticizing your old girlfriends burns more calories than sitting quietly, that's why! Our Heart-Smart Pizza is tomato sauce, pepperoni, sausage, meatballs, and mozzarella cheese served on two defibrillator paddles.

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