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You know you're getting too much fat in your diet when your freckles are made of pepperoni!

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They want me to start walking! How many times a week should I walk? How fast? How far? What's my optimum aerobic heart rate? Do I have the right shoes? I'm trying to be more active. Which one burns more calories, Twittering, Blogging or Googling? An aspirin a day will help prevent a heart attack if you have it for lunch instead of a cheeseburger. Getting old is like playing dodgeball with your doctor. I spend an average of 21 minutes a week wiggling in and out of my pantyhose-- that's got to count as aerobic exercise!
What fits your busy schedule better, excercising one hour a day or being dead 24 hours a day? If inactivity is bad for you, how come trees live hundreds of years? There's war, disease, poverty, and violent crime all over the world… and your greatest concern is me not eating peas! It's the latest advancement in cardiac pacemakers. It gives you an electric shock when it detects pizza or doughnuts in your bloodstream. I've been taking this medication for 50 years and I'm going to sue! The side effects made me wrinkled, fat and bald!
Instead of jogging, can you just set my pacemaker to beat faster for 30 minutes a day while I watch TV? They should make a Skinny Channel where commercials for lettuce are just as tempting as junk food ads!

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