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I've been watching the Food Channel all day and I haven't seen one good recipe for socks!

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There's war, disease, poverty, and violent crime all over the world… and your greatest concern is me not eating peas! It's the latest advancement in cardiac pacemakers. It gives you an electric shock when it detects pizza or doughnuts in your bloodstream. I've been taking this medication for 50 years and I'm going to sue! The side effects made me wrinkled, fat and bald! Instead of jogging, can you just set my pacemaker to beat faster for 30 minutes a day while I watch TV? They should make a Skinny Channel where commercials for lettuce are just as tempting as junk food ads!
Maybe you wouldn't feel so tired if you stopped thinking of this as 'cardio'. I bought some running shoes, but all they want to do is watch TV. I want you to eat more carrots, potato chips, and crackers. Loud crunching scares away germs. My doctor told me to eat 5 fruits and vegetables every day. Today I had 3 raisins and 2 peas. Our diet lasagna is a hologram
My blood pressure is 180/90 which mathematically is equal to 2/1 which doesn't seem so high! I found 1837 web sites about 'alternative medicine' but none of them recommend pizza or chocolate for lowering our cholesterol.

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